Because I only felt worse, then better, then worse again. And no one here in my face, rather, seemed to really understand and so couldn't give good advice. Well, not advice, cuz I didn't want it, but just comfort I guess.

But please don't leave me a comment and tease me or some B.S. of "Oh, that was quick" because that WILL piss the sh.t out of me...

Anyhow, the plus side is that my date was fantastic. I mean, it was really fun, of course, no surprise and like old times. And then, of course, was the bonus of his extra touchy-feeling affection. HUGS and cradling, I mean. And PURELY platonic. But it meant a lot to me because I wanted that attention...

I mean, not to sound shallow or self absorbed or anything cuz I'm not...Just, like I said, haven't really been feeling happy...I mean, I AM, but just neglected like I said. UGH. And now I sound like the stereotype that all chicks are whiny and emotional...>_<

But I don't know what to do because on the one hand, I feel like I'm imagining it and just being selfish or something...And then on the other hand, I feel like I'm really not because things really aren't the same right now...Like something's lacking or different or maybe even being pacified so I'll feel better, I don't know...

Just...ARGH!! I just feel so torn because I really am so happy, yet I get so sad because I feel so alone...

I know I'm not making sense to anyone reading this but that's okay because I'm purposefully being mysterious....But has anyone ever felt like it's risky business to be so emotional and expressive and honest? You know, I mean, admitting to things you'd normally keep to yourself?

I do normally, but if it's worth it, then no. But I guess I'm just sort of wondering if it's even valued...Whatever. I don't know what I'm saying. =Þ

Know what I want for Christmas?? To be worshiped, and supremely wanted to the point of "I'd dreamed of you and couldn't sleep cuz I thought of you the whole time", and for time to stand still so moments like that last forever rather than be abruptly taken away and interrupted.

But honestly, here, I'm gonna deal and feel better ^_^ And just roll with the punches. ^_^




But in brighter news, I wanna say a super duper Happy Fantastic Birthday to my very special friend, Logan. Woooooooooo!!! The big 2-7!! Ahhhhhhhhhh!!! Enjoy it, babe!


P.S. But I DO want to thank all those who'd said they'd miss me. I was surprised and truly appreciate the care, because it meant a lot/still does. And NO, I didn't write it to get attention, TRUST. Did plan to stay away from EVERYONE in my life right now (on here and elsewhere) to deal alone. But obviously the need for outside insight was too great so THAT'S the only reason why I came back (on here anyway) so quick. Still gonna close up with everyone else for a bit though.

But yeah. Thanks a bunch, seriously, for your love/support you guys.


~ E