Hey, Everyone. . . .

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Just in case anyone was wondering (which I doubt, but it's okay), I'm still here, still using this account, of course.

Just have been busy, with lots of things on my mind lately, so I haven't had enough time to come on as much as I used to.

Besides which, I haven't felt very much inspired, lately, either...especially not most recently.

I'm okay, yeah, just...recent stuff, a road block, if you will, has manifested itself, which has thrown off my generally happy/at peace mood I've been having for several months, now.

And normally, I'd say my usual "This too, shall pass," for it, but...this time, I'm not honestly sure....

I'd say more about/for it, but it's kind of personal.... Just know that it's socially related, I guess, as in a person-wise....

And, as always, they won't be far behind reading this, but what can you do?

Seems like there's "always" an issue with a person or another, usually the same one, sadly...but every time we've been able to get through it.

But, this time, as I'd said...I don't honestly know, because this issue isn't changeable, and is something we'll both have to deal with for the rest of our lives (Nothing health related, no).

And since they refuse to at least try to understand where I'm coming from with it and I'm more or less stuck with them for life, now...honestly, it's raised some questions in my mind for myself, and where we now stand, or will in the future....

And to make matters worse, know what song keeps popping into my head?? That one by Whitney Houston: "It's Not Right, But It's Okay."

Especially the chorus, of course, where she sings:

"It's not right
But it's okay
I'm gonna make it anyway
Pack your bags up and leave
Don't you dare come running back to me
It's not right
But it's okay
I'm gonna make it anyway
Close the door behind you
Leave your key
I'd rather be alone
Than unhappy...."


It's just...hard. Obviously, by now, we can pretty much gather specially whom I'm referring to, if a song like that keeps running inside my head....

He doesn't make me unhappy, nor does our relationship. It's wonderful, believe me. And I honestly can't wait to marry him....

But...in light of this recent issue, which feels like it's ongoing and honestly, will be for the rest of our lives, I just...don't know.

.....It's a race issue, nothing he's implemented or me, obviously (or else we'd not be together in the first place)....

It's just...a long story, and even if I bothered to give the details, no one reading would care much, anyway, and probably take his side. I just wanted him to at least understand or try to, but he refuses so.....

When something happens, an issue or what have you, you expect to go to your significant other, usually (if not family), and vent to them and get comfort and support, etc....

But whom can I turn to, especially for this, when the very one I could/should have turned to is the one I'm at arms with?

It's left me feeling very isolated, crying, frustrated, torn and unbelievably hurt and drained....

Nothing I'm saying really matters or is getting through, and he's so set and stubborn and, in my opinion, in denial, upon the specific matter we've been debating.

And so...because of that...because it's clear to me now that nothing I'll say will ever change anything...it honestly has me thinking things through....


I don't know.

I need more time to think....



Anyway, it's nice to see you all again (if I do, assuming anyone reads/comments on this -- And if you do, nothing negative, okay >_< )...just sad it's under these circumstances....

~ E